Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Computer mine crash of virus "Beach Babes" which spread on Facebook network. I not click on anything, infidel, but soon find my computer popping up ads of a most inappropriate nature every second! And then after that, it give me Blue Screen of Not Working, and that end of my computer.

I must spend time finding backups of all photos mine so I can continue share with you pictures of Salute Guy life. Maybe I share story before then, maybe I too busy digging through boxes in storage, this we will see.

Until then, infidel see anything interesting happen these past days?

Friday, May 14, 2010


Today I talk infidel about some of great leaders of Iran. We start with Vice President of all Iran, who is such important man that there actually ELEVEN OF THEM!

Is true!

While other country only have one Vice President in their land, Iran such vast and powerful country that we need have eleven of them to keep knowing what needs of Iranian people are! Notice however that not all Vice President in all Iran are equal one and same: Not at all the least!! There one that more important than all, which is only one who get Power of Presidency in great Transfer Power of Presidency ceremony, and him we call First Vice President.


This man is First Vice President over all Iran, and his name Mohammad Reza Rahimi. And yes, infidel, he always look annoyed when performing any Ceremony of State. In fact, if you infidel can keep secret, I don't think he like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at all, and there probably good reason for it.

See, there was before him First Vice President Parviz Davoodi long time. Parviz was kind man, but towards end of his tenure in office, he start get bored with having Powers of President when Mahmoud travel often, so he resign from Vice Presidency.

You infidel might think, "Wow! That greatest tragedy ever face Iranian country! How Iran ever survive with no First Vice President??" And I answer: IS EASY!

Except this time, not easy. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad appointed long time advisor Esfandiar Rahim Mashaei to First Vice Presidency, and that cause BIG PROBLEM in ALL of Iran. "What," you infidel ask, "He caught taking candy from baby or something?" NO! IS MUCH WORSE!


Can infidel even believe that??????

So it take one whole month, but all of Iran so angry that great Ayatollah step in and make Mahmoud force Esfandiar to resign, and also forced to put in Mohammed Reza Rahimi, who I hear was Ayatollah personal accountant for many years.

Which probably why he always look like he scheming when he have Powers of Presidency All Iran each time.............

Saturday, May 8, 2010


I sit here enjoy beautiful morning in greatest Tehran whole entire world, which infidel cannot even imagine. There sunshine and fresh air like none other ever created before on earth.

Is good time to reach into Inbox and find new question from infidel to me answer, yes?
Greetings to the Iranian Salute Guy (Peace Be Upon You),

Thank you for revolutionary blog and glorious insights!! I featured your blog on my website along with the other GREAT leaders of Iran.

The question I have is this: within the international system, do you ever face "salute-offs" against another country's salute guy? If so, are you undefeated in these salute-offs? I can only believe so!

Infidel always,

The Hybrid Diplomat
O diplomat (as-salamu alaykum) of great nation Hybrid, I salute you and wish peace unto you as well! May all far and wide know powers wielded by great nation yours and tremble at its might!!

I not able find Hybrid on map right now, so will assume it one of great Islamic nations rise amongst ashes of Europe, yes?

As far as how competitive salute guy, let me be first tell you: is VERY competition! When two salute guy stand behind president each, which like what you do in Hybrid I bet, we both make our best to show proud nation face. And longer ceremony take, more prouder we get.

I illustrate you with picture this one.

Here you see-->

Is sultan of Oman, very powerful man that help roll bank of greatest Islamic Republic of Iran, and next to me, salute guy his. He start ceremony by show off fancy walk he say greater than all salute guy in all of world, which make me counter by use super stiffer salute, as taught to me by great professor Fairouz Mehranzadeh. Then he show off colonial English style of salute, which like that of dog. This make me rage, so I top off ceremony with Ultimate Power of Lean Into Salute, which is greatest trick in all of salute guy world.

And yes, this mean I greatest salute guy in all of whole entire earth. That not even up to competition to decide!! This one skill, which I only one in Salute Department of Tehran University to master, my greatest power of all against every other salute guy in whole of earth, which also prove Tehran Iran is most glorious nation over all of entire world!!

I hope that help explain how salute guy job one of most competition of all jobs, and is answer most acceptable to great President of Hybrid!

Friday, May 7, 2010


As I say in past, being salute guy means travel to all over world at any time of day or night, always. Yes, Salute Guy always ready that kind of action—Is what I train for all my years!! But I bet infidel not know that Salute Guy also have be aware of customs each lowly infidel land we travel to?


Consider little piddly country in Africa—Gambia. On surface, might seem similar to great Iran, because they stand in Tent Of State and have Salute To Presidential Authority just like Iran do. And sure, they do great procedure of orderly military review like we do.


Look normal at first because is same tent, yes? Yeah, except IT NOT NORMAL AT ALL!

For one, their salute guys look very underfed, while their President look like he eat two or three salute guy just last night. And also, they NOT SALUTING PRESIDENTIAL AUTHORITY, even though they in TENT OF STATE!!!!!!!!!!

It strangest thing I ever see—So strange that I start own Salute of State later on, and got all their starving salute guys join in to make feel more like at home. In my many year being salute guy, I never think country be so dumb as to set up Tent of State and not even bother saluting Presidential Authority in proper fashion.

But still not strangest part!

Also in Gambia is custom to pack foreign leaders into American truck and race down highway with many people standing upright in backseat of car waving hands. You think that sound crazy, you should SEE how crazy is. In fact, from my camera I show you!!


They driving like 88 kilometers per hour down highway which TOTALLY CRAZY. I not sure if was to get through heat faster, or to dodge bullets, or to make sure their president not find other salute guy he want to eat on the way over to official state meeting, but was way too fast for Salute Guy tastes.

Anyway, this only small part of customs I share with you for now. What kind crazy customs YOU infidel hear of? Why not try sharing in section comments mine for once?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Since I suffer lag of plane, I answer first question from reader in Inbox:
My dear Salute Guy,

I've been wondering - do you get to know Mahmoud pretty personally? I mean like, do you ever taste his food or pick out his shampoo or anything interesting like that? Does he have any favorite western brands? I bet my friends that he prefers Pepsi to Coke. Do you prefer Pepsi or Coke? Anyways, thanks for all your tales.

Take care,
To which I answer,

Dearest infidel Graham,

I work with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad long time, since he was elevated for office by glorious Iranian people all across greatest Iranian land in year 1384, or 2005 infidel years. In these years, we travel all across the whole entire earth together, so natural that we get introduced to each other more and more.

His favorite food Khoresht-e-Esfenaj-o Aloo, soup made of spinach and prunes, served with helping of lamb Dolme Barg Mow. He ask me taste it often, especially when bodyguard his not on trip. I always enjoy opportunity help Mahmoud taste his food, and he like me so much, I always get first bite!!!


(Wow, arrow work without saying INSERT PHOTO?)

Dearest Mahmoud not enjoy western brands of Great Satan at all, but has large collection of scarves called "Burr berry." Not sure what kind berry this is, but makes for very scratchy scarf. I no understand evils of Western world!! As far as western drinks go, we Iranians spit on it all!!! Nothing beat taste of cold Doogh goat yogurt in heat of hot afternoon, I say!

Thank you for writing, infidel Graham! I hope I answer all question well!

Monday, May 3, 2010


Infidel have question for salute guy? I ANSWER!!!

You send e-mail to and I pick best one to answer in glorious way. All other questions that not excellent will be deleted immediately, so be sure make it good one!!


One of toughest things about Salute Guy job is having to leave Tehran Iran greatest city of greatest country in whole entire earth, and travel to lands filled with lowly infidel dogs. Is what I doing today, sitting in room of hotel in New York dirtiest city of filthy infidel in all of great satan USA!

Infidel must wonder, "What Salute Guy do with himself when stuck around dirty infidels?" And I tell you. IS EASY!

Salute Guy spend most of time sitting in room of hotel, listening great speeches of Ayatollah Khamenei greatest teacher of Islam in all of whole entire world! He the one inspire me salute greatest of my ability to greatest leader in all of world, each and every day.

In fact, is what I doing right now, while I take time to write infidel dogs about what I do every day! It also good time iron uniform, so Salute Guy keep look like coolest salute guy in whole entire earth!!!

Sometimes when Mahmoud invited to solemn event of rememberance, I come along to salute. I show you how looks in Kazakhstan, which is not infidel nation but is close enough if you see by scandal ladies on sign in back.


Since we are in great satan, land of most evil in all of whole entire world, we not going to salute any dead infidel today, so it look like lots of time in hotel for Salute Guy.

Which mean my uniform look SUPER spotless when you see me next!!