Friday, April 30, 2010


Good evening, infidel! I continue share hard triumphs that face salute guy every day.

You might find hard to believe, but some countries not have own official salute guy! I know sound crazy, but is true! "What happen when not other salute guy," you ask Salute Guy. Is easy enough answer, and to find it, I show you!


Is Ilham Aliyev, president of Azerbaijan. Now, I not know if it because Azerbaijan is too poor to afford salute guy own, or if they low like infidel dogs, but Aliyev not have salute guy of his own. I know what you infidel thinking: "In situation this, how can possibly be Iran make official ceremony?" And I tell you! Is easy!

Official Iranian Salute Guy become Official Everybody Salute Guy, as I salute BOTH LEADERS at SAME TIME!

See? Is not so hard as you think, infidel! Now I sure this lead to infidel ask another very good question: "Salute Guy, if this same way you salute President and Vice President over all of Iran, won't power of President jump into Aliyev head?"

To make a short story long, NO IT DOES NOT! Because Salute Guy participating in Ceremony of Welcoming Leaders To Iranian President House, not exact translation, we are not read the Oath of Keeping Presidency Powers, and because oath not get read, NO POWER JUMP INTO ALIYEV HEAD.

That not to say that, if someone say Oath of Keeping Presidency Powers in middle of walking into President House, this could not happen. But I have not seen happen yet.

Anyway, that all I have time share with infidel for now, as I must go spend time of quality with family mine.

Thursday, April 29, 2010


Is raining in Tehran this morning. Sometimes this causes problem for everyday people, but for salute guy is not challenge so much at all! I still bring you story of great value on this day.

I speak yesterday about something we call "Departure Ceremony of Presidential Power Transfer," again not exact translation. Today I continue on subject some more, so you infidels begin understand sheer power of greatest Iranian nation on all of earth!

After Mahmoud Ahmadinejad finish reading from Quran and hands it back to salute guy for long safe keeping, we proceed out of airport's porch down a carpeted pathway, to a special place we use for conducting ceremony of departure:


This tent is our glorious Preparation for Presidential Departure And Transfer of Iranian Power Station, or "Abdul," as we call it. Here is where real magic happens: I stand guard behind President and Vice President of Iran, most powerful men in most powerful nation over all of the whole earth, and I salute. And when salute happens, honor guard read special ceremony in front of "Abdul" about responsibilities of running Iran and answering to Ayatollah always when he call. Once President and Vice President read their oaths, POW!!!!! Greatest thing in all of land happens.

Power of presidential office explodes out of Mahmoud's ear, leaps through the air, and jumps into the awaiting ear of vice president, who receives power in his head to carry out over all of the land while Mahmoud travel into infidel land!

And let me tell you infidel, if I didn't hear power explode so loudly like that, I wouldn't even believe it for myself -- but it does, so it true.

In fact, sometimes when I daydreaming, I dream power lands in my ear, and I accidentally President of All Iran. Would be a funny thing, if were not such a serious and treasonous offense!

But anyway, there you go. That most powerful transfer in all of most powerful country over all of earth, and you infidels can now proceed to quiver on your lowly knees! But wait! Is still not over!!

After power is transferred to Vice President, Iran still need make sure that Mahmoud behave while he on travel. So we march both men back down carpeted pathway to Presidential Flag over All Iran, and have them both say another oath in front of Allah and all of the land about how Mahmoud promise not make touchy with infidel ladies, and Vice President promise not burn down all of Iran in revolt. To lock in deal, both bow in front of flag, which make it official.


This, you infidel, is correct way to conduct business in civilized country, and most advanced nation over all of the Earth, that is Tehran Iran, will certainly lead way when we conquer all of your evil and dirty lands!

I will only also say this: In parallel to Ceremony of Presidential Departure To Infidel Lands, we also have Presidential Arrival Ceremony From Lands Of Infidel. Again not exact translation, but close enough. This ceremony is exact reverse of one I describe to you above, except there no walking backwards or anything crazy like that. Is all forwards, and Presidential Power over All Iran is safely transfered back to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, where it is most safely belongs.

Is all I can share with you now, lowly infidel. I now must put on my brave for the rain and proceed direct to conference room, where I have busy day of instruction and meetings with all of the most powerful men of most powerful nation in all of the earth.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


You certain to already see in sidecar, but am excited to say publisher send sample book cover to me for book that I working on. What you infidel think? Is make salute guy look like bravest man of whole entire world, yes?


Being salute guy not easy as looks. In fact, is much harder. Sometimes job even feel like as hard as great King Darius I subjugating all of the whole Greek infidels under his mighty foot.

Official salute guy must be ready leap into action any time. Sometimes during day, sometimes during night. Always he must be ready. This is one of lessons great professer Fairouz Mehranzadeh always teach at Tehran University, and is one I took very serious.

For an example, I share with you horrible circumstance which I encounter early in career as salute guy.


No, infidel, that not fluffy white dandruff. IT SNOW! I know is hard to believe, but salute guy had be ready even when it snowing DURING MIDDLE OF NIGHT. This time for sleep for many people, but for salute guy is time for incredible bravery, and salute guy ALWAYS ready for that!

Also you notice that I am not saluting in picture above? Yes, is true! I not just official salute guy of all of Tehran Iran. I also official Guy Who Wholds Quran For Departure Ceremony Guy. Title not exact translation from my language, but is something like that. This also is big part of what salute guy does every day.

See, when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the benevolent travel oversees, he first must meet with Ayatollahs and talk about how he stay pure in evil land to which he travels. This ceremony start behind closed doors, but then he emerge triumphant onto porch of airport, where Ayatollah and salute guy is waiting for him, and he take Quran from salute guy. With Quran in hand, he turn to page and read passage that is relevant to land to which he travels. His favorite for long long time is sura 3 verse 64, which says:

"Verily Allah has cursed the Unbelievers and has prepared for them a Blazing Fire to dwell in forever."



After this, he kiss Quran and hand it back to salute guy, and I keep it safe for rest of trip. Now you see how there more to being salute guy than you think, lowly infidel?

And while holding Quran is very important job, maybe most important in all of whole world, is still not all that salute guy does. In fact, there job so much more important, you will be amazed beyond amazed, like nothing you seen ever before in your whole entire life.

But that job I save to tell you another day. Salute Guy have many important chores to attend this fresh new day in glorious Tehran Iran.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


In order blog, my publisher say I need be man of more words. So I start talk.

Many people ask me, "Salute Guy, what it like being salute guy?" And I tell you: Is greatest feeling in all of whole earth! I carry with me honor of all of Tehran Iran in my hat, and use power of salute to show all of world why Tehran Iran is greatest land of all!

Take man like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: He not all that much by himself. He barely stand up straight, and he not even able put pants on one leg at time! But when you put man like me behind him, it shows all of world how important he is, and they all come to understand that, without greateness of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, entire world soon see wrath of Allah all over.

Which not good for all of world, especially dirty infidel part.

Now that not to say my entire life about saluting - Not at all. My life full of many pieces and parts, all of which I will share with you lowly infidels. Will start by sharing with you photo from my very first day on job.


I amazed at how young I was back then. It was always dream mine to be somebody important to great Islamic Regime, since evil Shah get boot of Allah. And when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad ask for Department of Salute at Tehran University who was ready to go salute him, they sent him to me because I work at it hardest of all the land!

Not that it was easy - Look how scared I am up there! I was like little boy crushed under weight of pregnant goat. My knees shook like great pillars of sand which Allah blow away with the wind. It even look like I not grow into my hat yet!

But as time went on, I remember to rely on the great training of my master professer Fairouz Mehranzadeh, and I learn how crush fears like Allah crush the infidel every last day.

That story I tell you another day. For now I must return to my family's attention while I continue to bask in strong comforts of Tehran once more.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


I call publisher back in Tehran today. He say every book must have blog to go with it. I no idea what blog is, but try figure out.

I on Facebook and Twitter more often. That where I say what I thinking. You come here read stories about my life.