Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Computer mine crash of virus "Beach Babes" which spread on Facebook network. I not click on anything, infidel, but soon find my computer popping up ads of a most inappropriate nature every second! And then after that, it give me Blue Screen of Not Working, and that end of my computer.

I must spend time finding backups of all photos mine so I can continue share with you pictures of Salute Guy life. Maybe I share story before then, maybe I too busy digging through boxes in storage, this we will see.

Until then, infidel see anything interesting happen these past days?

Friday, May 14, 2010


Today I talk infidel about some of great leaders of Iran. We start with Vice President of all Iran, who is such important man that there actually ELEVEN OF THEM!

Is true!

While other country only have one Vice President in their land, Iran such vast and powerful country that we need have eleven of them to keep knowing what needs of Iranian people are! Notice however that not all Vice President in all Iran are equal one and same: Not at all the least!! There one that more important than all, which is only one who get Power of Presidency in great Transfer Power of Presidency ceremony, and him we call First Vice President.


This man is First Vice President over all Iran, and his name Mohammad Reza Rahimi. And yes, infidel, he always look annoyed when performing any Ceremony of State. In fact, if you infidel can keep secret, I don't think he like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at all, and there probably good reason for it.

See, there was before him First Vice President Parviz Davoodi long time. Parviz was kind man, but towards end of his tenure in office, he start get bored with having Powers of President when Mahmoud travel often, so he resign from Vice Presidency.

You infidel might think, "Wow! That greatest tragedy ever face Iranian country! How Iran ever survive with no First Vice President??" And I answer: IS EASY!

Except this time, not easy. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad appointed long time advisor Esfandiar Rahim Mashaei to First Vice Presidency, and that cause BIG PROBLEM in ALL of Iran. "What," you infidel ask, "He caught taking candy from baby or something?" NO! IS MUCH WORSE!


Can infidel even believe that??????

So it take one whole month, but all of Iran so angry that great Ayatollah step in and make Mahmoud force Esfandiar to resign, and also forced to put in Mohammed Reza Rahimi, who I hear was Ayatollah personal accountant for many years.

Which probably why he always look like he scheming when he have Powers of Presidency All Iran each time.............

Saturday, May 8, 2010


I sit here enjoy beautiful morning in greatest Tehran whole entire world, which infidel cannot even imagine. There sunshine and fresh air like none other ever created before on earth.

Is good time to reach into Inbox and find new question from infidel to me answer, yes?
Greetings to the Iranian Salute Guy (Peace Be Upon You),

Thank you for revolutionary blog and glorious insights!! I featured your blog on my website along with the other GREAT leaders of Iran.

The question I have is this: within the international system, do you ever face "salute-offs" against another country's salute guy? If so, are you undefeated in these salute-offs? I can only believe so!

Infidel always,

The Hybrid Diplomat
O diplomat (as-salamu alaykum) of great nation Hybrid, I salute you and wish peace unto you as well! May all far and wide know powers wielded by great nation yours and tremble at its might!!

I not able find Hybrid on map right now, so will assume it one of great Islamic nations rise amongst ashes of Europe, yes?

As far as how competitive salute guy, let me be first tell you: is VERY competition! When two salute guy stand behind president each, which like what you do in Hybrid I bet, we both make our best to show proud nation face. And longer ceremony take, more prouder we get.

I illustrate you with picture this one.

Here you see-->

Is sultan of Oman, very powerful man that help roll bank of greatest Islamic Republic of Iran, and next to me, salute guy his. He start ceremony by show off fancy walk he say greater than all salute guy in all of world, which make me counter by use super stiffer salute, as taught to me by great professor Fairouz Mehranzadeh. Then he show off colonial English style of salute, which like that of dog. This make me rage, so I top off ceremony with Ultimate Power of Lean Into Salute, which is greatest trick in all of salute guy world.

And yes, this mean I greatest salute guy in all of whole entire earth. That not even up to competition to decide!! This one skill, which I only one in Salute Department of Tehran University to master, my greatest power of all against every other salute guy in whole of earth, which also prove Tehran Iran is most glorious nation over all of entire world!!

I hope that help explain how salute guy job one of most competition of all jobs, and is answer most acceptable to great President of Hybrid!

Friday, May 7, 2010


As I say in past, being salute guy means travel to all over world at any time of day or night, always. Yes, Salute Guy always ready that kind of action—Is what I train for all my years!! But I bet infidel not know that Salute Guy also have be aware of customs each lowly infidel land we travel to?


Consider little piddly country in Africa—Gambia. On surface, might seem similar to great Iran, because they stand in Tent Of State and have Salute To Presidential Authority just like Iran do. And sure, they do great procedure of orderly military review like we do.


Look normal at first because is same tent, yes? Yeah, except IT NOT NORMAL AT ALL!

For one, their salute guys look very underfed, while their President look like he eat two or three salute guy just last night. And also, they NOT SALUTING PRESIDENTIAL AUTHORITY, even though they in TENT OF STATE!!!!!!!!!!

It strangest thing I ever see—So strange that I start own Salute of State later on, and got all their starving salute guys join in to make feel more like at home. In my many year being salute guy, I never think country be so dumb as to set up Tent of State and not even bother saluting Presidential Authority in proper fashion.

But still not strangest part!

Also in Gambia is custom to pack foreign leaders into American truck and race down highway with many people standing upright in backseat of car waving hands. You think that sound crazy, you should SEE how crazy is. In fact, from my camera I show you!!


They driving like 88 kilometers per hour down highway which TOTALLY CRAZY. I not sure if was to get through heat faster, or to dodge bullets, or to make sure their president not find other salute guy he want to eat on the way over to official state meeting, but was way too fast for Salute Guy tastes.

Anyway, this only small part of customs I share with you for now. What kind crazy customs YOU infidel hear of? Why not try sharing in section comments mine for once?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Since I suffer lag of plane, I answer first question from reader in Inbox:
My dear Salute Guy,

I've been wondering - do you get to know Mahmoud pretty personally? I mean like, do you ever taste his food or pick out his shampoo or anything interesting like that? Does he have any favorite western brands? I bet my friends that he prefers Pepsi to Coke. Do you prefer Pepsi or Coke? Anyways, thanks for all your tales.

Take care,
To which I answer,

Dearest infidel Graham,

I work with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad long time, since he was elevated for office by glorious Iranian people all across greatest Iranian land in year 1384, or 2005 infidel years. In these years, we travel all across the whole entire earth together, so natural that we get introduced to each other more and more.

His favorite food Khoresht-e-Esfenaj-o Aloo, soup made of spinach and prunes, served with helping of lamb Dolme Barg Mow. He ask me taste it often, especially when bodyguard his not on trip. I always enjoy opportunity help Mahmoud taste his food, and he like me so much, I always get first bite!!!


(Wow, arrow work without saying INSERT PHOTO?)

Dearest Mahmoud not enjoy western brands of Great Satan at all, but has large collection of scarves called "Burr berry." Not sure what kind berry this is, but makes for very scratchy scarf. I no understand evils of Western world!! As far as western drinks go, we Iranians spit on it all!!! Nothing beat taste of cold Doogh goat yogurt in heat of hot afternoon, I say!

Thank you for writing, infidel Graham! I hope I answer all question well!

Monday, May 3, 2010


Infidel have question for salute guy? I ANSWER!!!

You send e-mail to and I pick best one to answer in glorious way. All other questions that not excellent will be deleted immediately, so be sure make it good one!!


One of toughest things about Salute Guy job is having to leave Tehran Iran greatest city of greatest country in whole entire earth, and travel to lands filled with lowly infidel dogs. Is what I doing today, sitting in room of hotel in New York dirtiest city of filthy infidel in all of great satan USA!

Infidel must wonder, "What Salute Guy do with himself when stuck around dirty infidels?" And I tell you. IS EASY!

Salute Guy spend most of time sitting in room of hotel, listening great speeches of Ayatollah Khamenei greatest teacher of Islam in all of whole entire world! He the one inspire me salute greatest of my ability to greatest leader in all of world, each and every day.

In fact, is what I doing right now, while I take time to write infidel dogs about what I do every day! It also good time iron uniform, so Salute Guy keep look like coolest salute guy in whole entire earth!!!

Sometimes when Mahmoud invited to solemn event of rememberance, I come along to salute. I show you how looks in Kazakhstan, which is not infidel nation but is close enough if you see by scandal ladies on sign in back.


Since we are in great satan, land of most evil in all of whole entire world, we not going to salute any dead infidel today, so it look like lots of time in hotel for Salute Guy.

Which mean my uniform look SUPER spotless when you see me next!!

Friday, April 30, 2010


Good evening, infidel! I continue share hard triumphs that face salute guy every day.

You might find hard to believe, but some countries not have own official salute guy! I know sound crazy, but is true! "What happen when not other salute guy," you ask Salute Guy. Is easy enough answer, and to find it, I show you!


Is Ilham Aliyev, president of Azerbaijan. Now, I not know if it because Azerbaijan is too poor to afford salute guy own, or if they low like infidel dogs, but Aliyev not have salute guy of his own. I know what you infidel thinking: "In situation this, how can possibly be Iran make official ceremony?" And I tell you! Is easy!

Official Iranian Salute Guy become Official Everybody Salute Guy, as I salute BOTH LEADERS at SAME TIME!

See? Is not so hard as you think, infidel! Now I sure this lead to infidel ask another very good question: "Salute Guy, if this same way you salute President and Vice President over all of Iran, won't power of President jump into Aliyev head?"

To make a short story long, NO IT DOES NOT! Because Salute Guy participating in Ceremony of Welcoming Leaders To Iranian President House, not exact translation, we are not read the Oath of Keeping Presidency Powers, and because oath not get read, NO POWER JUMP INTO ALIYEV HEAD.

That not to say that, if someone say Oath of Keeping Presidency Powers in middle of walking into President House, this could not happen. But I have not seen happen yet.

Anyway, that all I have time share with infidel for now, as I must go spend time of quality with family mine.

Thursday, April 29, 2010


Is raining in Tehran this morning. Sometimes this causes problem for everyday people, but for salute guy is not challenge so much at all! I still bring you story of great value on this day.

I speak yesterday about something we call "Departure Ceremony of Presidential Power Transfer," again not exact translation. Today I continue on subject some more, so you infidels begin understand sheer power of greatest Iranian nation on all of earth!

After Mahmoud Ahmadinejad finish reading from Quran and hands it back to salute guy for long safe keeping, we proceed out of airport's porch down a carpeted pathway, to a special place we use for conducting ceremony of departure:


This tent is our glorious Preparation for Presidential Departure And Transfer of Iranian Power Station, or "Abdul," as we call it. Here is where real magic happens: I stand guard behind President and Vice President of Iran, most powerful men in most powerful nation over all of the whole earth, and I salute. And when salute happens, honor guard read special ceremony in front of "Abdul" about responsibilities of running Iran and answering to Ayatollah always when he call. Once President and Vice President read their oaths, POW!!!!! Greatest thing in all of land happens.

Power of presidential office explodes out of Mahmoud's ear, leaps through the air, and jumps into the awaiting ear of vice president, who receives power in his head to carry out over all of the land while Mahmoud travel into infidel land!

And let me tell you infidel, if I didn't hear power explode so loudly like that, I wouldn't even believe it for myself -- but it does, so it true.

In fact, sometimes when I daydreaming, I dream power lands in my ear, and I accidentally President of All Iran. Would be a funny thing, if were not such a serious and treasonous offense!

But anyway, there you go. That most powerful transfer in all of most powerful country over all of earth, and you infidels can now proceed to quiver on your lowly knees! But wait! Is still not over!!

After power is transferred to Vice President, Iran still need make sure that Mahmoud behave while he on travel. So we march both men back down carpeted pathway to Presidential Flag over All Iran, and have them both say another oath in front of Allah and all of the land about how Mahmoud promise not make touchy with infidel ladies, and Vice President promise not burn down all of Iran in revolt. To lock in deal, both bow in front of flag, which make it official.


This, you infidel, is correct way to conduct business in civilized country, and most advanced nation over all of the Earth, that is Tehran Iran, will certainly lead way when we conquer all of your evil and dirty lands!

I will only also say this: In parallel to Ceremony of Presidential Departure To Infidel Lands, we also have Presidential Arrival Ceremony From Lands Of Infidel. Again not exact translation, but close enough. This ceremony is exact reverse of one I describe to you above, except there no walking backwards or anything crazy like that. Is all forwards, and Presidential Power over All Iran is safely transfered back to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, where it is most safely belongs.

Is all I can share with you now, lowly infidel. I now must put on my brave for the rain and proceed direct to conference room, where I have busy day of instruction and meetings with all of the most powerful men of most powerful nation in all of the earth.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


You certain to already see in sidecar, but am excited to say publisher send sample book cover to me for book that I working on. What you infidel think? Is make salute guy look like bravest man of whole entire world, yes?


Being salute guy not easy as looks. In fact, is much harder. Sometimes job even feel like as hard as great King Darius I subjugating all of the whole Greek infidels under his mighty foot.

Official salute guy must be ready leap into action any time. Sometimes during day, sometimes during night. Always he must be ready. This is one of lessons great professer Fairouz Mehranzadeh always teach at Tehran University, and is one I took very serious.

For an example, I share with you horrible circumstance which I encounter early in career as salute guy.


No, infidel, that not fluffy white dandruff. IT SNOW! I know is hard to believe, but salute guy had be ready even when it snowing DURING MIDDLE OF NIGHT. This time for sleep for many people, but for salute guy is time for incredible bravery, and salute guy ALWAYS ready for that!

Also you notice that I am not saluting in picture above? Yes, is true! I not just official salute guy of all of Tehran Iran. I also official Guy Who Wholds Quran For Departure Ceremony Guy. Title not exact translation from my language, but is something like that. This also is big part of what salute guy does every day.

See, when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the benevolent travel oversees, he first must meet with Ayatollahs and talk about how he stay pure in evil land to which he travels. This ceremony start behind closed doors, but then he emerge triumphant onto porch of airport, where Ayatollah and salute guy is waiting for him, and he take Quran from salute guy. With Quran in hand, he turn to page and read passage that is relevant to land to which he travels. His favorite for long long time is sura 3 verse 64, which says:

"Verily Allah has cursed the Unbelievers and has prepared for them a Blazing Fire to dwell in forever."



After this, he kiss Quran and hand it back to salute guy, and I keep it safe for rest of trip. Now you see how there more to being salute guy than you think, lowly infidel?

And while holding Quran is very important job, maybe most important in all of whole world, is still not all that salute guy does. In fact, there job so much more important, you will be amazed beyond amazed, like nothing you seen ever before in your whole entire life.

But that job I save to tell you another day. Salute Guy have many important chores to attend this fresh new day in glorious Tehran Iran.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


In order blog, my publisher say I need be man of more words. So I start talk.

Many people ask me, "Salute Guy, what it like being salute guy?" And I tell you: Is greatest feeling in all of whole earth! I carry with me honor of all of Tehran Iran in my hat, and use power of salute to show all of world why Tehran Iran is greatest land of all!

Take man like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: He not all that much by himself. He barely stand up straight, and he not even able put pants on one leg at time! But when you put man like me behind him, it shows all of world how important he is, and they all come to understand that, without greateness of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, entire world soon see wrath of Allah all over.

Which not good for all of world, especially dirty infidel part.

Now that not to say my entire life about saluting - Not at all. My life full of many pieces and parts, all of which I will share with you lowly infidels. Will start by sharing with you photo from my very first day on job.


I amazed at how young I was back then. It was always dream mine to be somebody important to great Islamic Regime, since evil Shah get boot of Allah. And when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad ask for Department of Salute at Tehran University who was ready to go salute him, they sent him to me because I work at it hardest of all the land!

Not that it was easy - Look how scared I am up there! I was like little boy crushed under weight of pregnant goat. My knees shook like great pillars of sand which Allah blow away with the wind. It even look like I not grow into my hat yet!

But as time went on, I remember to rely on the great training of my master professer Fairouz Mehranzadeh, and I learn how crush fears like Allah crush the infidel every last day.

That story I tell you another day. For now I must return to my family's attention while I continue to bask in strong comforts of Tehran once more.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


I call publisher back in Tehran today. He say every book must have blog to go with it. I no idea what blog is, but try figure out.

I on Facebook and Twitter more often. That where I say what I thinking. You come here read stories about my life.